At the start of summer (aka two weeks ago, shout out to the quarter system), I decided to set some goals and intentions, things I wanted to focus on for the next three months. Summer should be fun and relaxing, obviously, but I also didn’t want to spend all my free time catching up on all the shows I neglected during the school year or binge watching new ones (I’ve already watched an entire season of the Great British Baking Show in 2 days so this was necessary). One of those goals was to work on my blog. I realized that I have not posted or even thought about it much in months. Which is sad and shocking because it was once something that filled me with so much joy and was also great problem set procrastination.
I tried to figure out how I got here and I think it comes down to the fact that throughout this past year, I lost a lot of my self-confidence.
In the fall, I was rejected from a position that, if I’m being honest, I 100% thought I would get. Not to sound cocky, but I simply never imagined this situation happening. I had wanted this since my second week on campus and I was perfectly qualified. I spent hours on my application, writing and re-writing it a million times. I felt ready for my interview, put on my favorite skirt and went in with hands shaking and a smile on my face.
I will never forget how deeply my heart sank as I looked at my phone screen and read the words “I’m sorry to inform you that we are not able to offer you a position…”
Then, in the span of a few weeks, I was turned away from a student group in which I have many friends, some of whom are even on exec. I wasn’t feeling fulfilled in my classes. I attempted the process of consulting recruitment… with little success when I realized that it was just not for me. To top it all off, the boy I liked turned out to be, well, not straight. (oops)
So, you could say, I was feeling defeated. Being the type of person that I am; however, I tried not to let it get to me. I pushed through, saying I was fine, continuing my 100 Days of Happy challenge, and going through the motions. Today, I can see clearly that every failure was just a shift in a different, better direction… a little blessing in disguise.
But through it all, I lost my mojo, for lack of a better phrase. And it manifested itself in how I felt about my blog. I religiously follow a wide variety of bloggers and the more I looked at their content, the more I felt as though the words I wrote were meaningless. With blogging becoming trendier and Instagram celebrities filling my newsfeed, I began to wonder what the point of it was. And so, eventually, I stopped blogging. I felt a lack of inspiration and lost sight of why I even started this little thing.
That is, until I was talking to one of my best friends, Sarah, and she suggested I start writing again. I went back and reread the very first post I ever wrote and remembered exactly why… to make myself happy and spread that happiness. I liked writing about happy things and when I did, it filled me with joy and I hoped to share that with others.
So here we are. With a fully refurbished site (I can never stick with one design for too long, but I’m thinking this one will last) and a renewed energy to post and to do it for myself. It’s a little bit of self care and everyone can use more of that.
Maybe you’re in a similar situation. Maybe you didn’t get your dream internship, you got your heart broken, or you’re just lacking a bit of self confidence. I feel you. Don’t you dare let it stop you from doing what you want, no matter what others will think because you deserve every bit of happiness.
xoxo
confetti kindness 