confetti kindness

twenty

Two decades of life. Now that is wild. Two decades filled with thousands of smiles and laughs. Two decades of wonder and excitement, of love and friendship. Topped off with a most wonderful day.

Birthdays can sometimes (read: almost never) be a disappointment. There is so much excitement and anticipation and then, meh, it’s just an average day. This year was not one of those.

It began with a run at the gym and then I headed off to work. Luckily for me, I LOVE my job. You know how in middle school, if you have a crush on a boy, you say that you like like him, well, that’s kind of how I feel about my info desk job. So I happily went to the student center to spend my morning.

After work, one of my roommates, Sarah, and I went into Chicago for lunch. Oh my. My life has been changed by you, Summer House Santa Monica. It was delicious. The aesthetic of the restaurant was light and beautiful and the food was to die for.

In all honesty, if my day had ended there, I would have been content. There are few things in life better than a tasty meal with a true friend (topped off with a free giant cookie. oh yeah). And yet, it only got better. After spending time with my sister and some friends, I came back to my room to find all of my closest friends and chocolate cake. It was the most brilliant surprise. My heart was filled to the brim.

I had a meeting with my committee for NU’s Dance Marathon (blog post about that coming in hot later this week) later that night, where I was again surrounded by some amazing people. Then the night was finished off with a Skype call to my parents. The perfect end to a perfect day.

I am so thankful for the terrific humans in my life and a birthday always reminds me of that. There aren’t enough words in the English language for me to express how happy and grateful I am with the life that I have. Two decades down and I wouldn’t change a thing.

happiness month

It is officially birthday month (!!!!), or as others like to call it, “March.”

You see, I love my birthday. Oh, and BTW, it’s tomorrow…

When I was little, I would wake up at 5am in order to squeeze out as much joy from the day as I could. I’m also the type of person that prefers to think of it as a birthmonth, rather than a birthday because something as incredible as the gift of life should not be limited to one day of celebrations. Boom. Logic.

Really it’s just an excuse to have one month full of “treat yo self” because there’s no reason not to.

This year, I’ve decided to think of it more as happiness month. An entire month specifically dedicated to being a happier person.

You: “Please, Renée, how could you possibly need to be any happier than you already are? You literally have a blog post dedicated to happy things.”

Well, the truth is, sometimes I do get sad (#SocialMediaIsntReal) and lately (due to temperamental weather, a busy schedule, and a ridiculous amount of stress), feeling meh has happened more often than I would like to admit.

Thus, happiness month. 31 days set out to refill my jar of joy. Get the glass back to half full, per say. The best way to kick off such a venture…. a birthday, of course. Which brings us full circle because…

[t-minus 2.5 hours until 20 !!]

lights out

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In less than two weeks I will turn 20. Twenty. How crazy is that?! Maybe it’s not that crazy to you since that is a very reasonable age for a sophomore in college. But to me, it’s wild. Part of me is excited, part of me is nervous (cue existential crisis), and another part of me feels ready. For most of my life, I have felt younger than I actually am. Perhaps it’s my high-pitched voice, my innocence, or my love of boy bands and coloring. Whatever the reason, adulthood has seemed like this far-off thing, a mystical age meant for people wiser and more mature. And now, it’s two weeks away.

Turning 20 doesn’t necessarily mean that suddenly I am a full-fledged adult. I’m still young, hip, and fun (hopefully), but something about the age makes me feel like I should be more “adult.”

One of the ways that I am doing so, is through an effort to sleep earlier and spend a bit of time relaxing before. This means that I can’t procrastinate my work. If I do, I miss out on those glorious twenty minutes of shutting my phone off, opening a book (or sometimes the Netflix tab on my laptop), putting on a face mask won’t happen.

That little change, stemming from my efforts to be more grown up, has made a world of difference. Research shows that when you take time to destress before turning off the lights, you will get a better night’s sleep. With better sleep comes a happier and healthier life. Plus, what could be more grown-up and responsible than better rest? Nothing, absolutely nothing.

I recently read that one third of Americans don’t get enough sleep. That is a HUGE number of people. Tragically huge. Sleep is important and yet it constantly gets pushed to the end of our list of priorities (after the week I’ve had, I know just how easy this is to d0). It isn’t healthy

don’t be so hard on yourself

I dropped a class yesterday. It was an assembly level computer programming class filled with 87% males, all with a comprehensive background in computer science (okay maybe not all, but definitely the majority). I hated it. No matter how hard I tried, I never understood anything that was going on. I dreaded the class every single day. So I decided to drop it. Big deal, right? For me, it was. (I almost had to have a friend click the “drop” button for me)

I thought it meant that I had failed. I was giving up. And I am not a quitter. I was disappointing Sheryl Sandberg and all other powerful, successful women. I was letting down my high school AP Physics teacher who had once told me that I was “representing all of womankind” (which is a lot of pressure to put on a young 18 year old who still didn’t really understand the concept of eyeliner!).

Even with this weight lifted off of my shoulders, there is still a pit in my stomach.

For many reasons, I hold myself to high standards. A wonderful thing most of the time, but in cases like this, is not healthy. Staying in that class would not have been the right decision. I am plenty involved, I have a job on campus, and my other 3 classes are hard. I really don’t have to prove anything to anyone.

When I posted this photo on instagram, I captioned it with a very Renée, ridiculously cheesy comment on how there is beauty even in the dirty parts of winter. The same kind of sentiment is relevant today. Taking time for myself, cutting myself some slack might seem ugly from the outside. It might feel like a failure, like I am not living my life to the best of my abilities. But there is something lovely about it. I deserve to take a break. I deserve to not always be perfect.

This also applies to you too, my dear reader, sorry today was more of a letter to myself. A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. Even so, you too shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.
I think you’re grand.

xoxo,

Renée

no ragrets

I apologize to the Webster Dictionary for that title… But just think about it. What would it be like to be that guy in We’re the Millers? He has the words “no ragrets” tattooed across his chest and he couldn’t care less. I mean really, what would it be like to live your life with zero regrets?

Right in the middle of New York City, Stayer University put up a blackboard with one statement at the top: “WRITE YOUR BIGGEST REGRET:” The video is powerful. It gave me chills, the kind of chills that form goosebumps up and down your arms… in the best way possible.

They found that almost everyone regretted actions not taken. Not saying “I love you enough”, not following their dreams, not, not, not…

And that is so sad. Because it’s simple for these regrets to not exist. Easier said than done, but all it takes, is doing what we are afraid of. Ha, simple right?

Of course, nobody actually wants to do it in the moment. It’s called the comfort zone for a reason. I, personally, love the comfort zone (how many times will I mention how much I thrive there?). Watching this video, though, made me think… In 10 years, what will I regret? Or even in one year? Will I be happy that I played it safe? A little voice in my head is screaming “yes! yes!” Playing it safe means that there are no risks involved. There is no chance of getting hurt.

However, there’s another voice up in my brain, the voice that nudges me to smile at strangers and say “I love you” too much, this voice is saying something completely different. It’s telling me that this video is right. In one year, I will only regret the actions not taken, just like everyone else.

So, similar to my determination to end small talk, I am going to (try to) take more chances…

And you should too. Today is a clean slate. Go big or go home. I promise you won’t regret it (hehe).

(FYI I am a big fan of Monet’s lilies, hence the use of another Musée de L’Orangerie pic. sorry not sorry)

(PS: I haven’t used the phrase “sorry not sorry” in forever, but I’m really feeling it.. no regrets, right?)